Joy Generation

When travelling as a child, I used to stare out the car window, across the fields and woods, and imagine a magical world awaited, just out of sight, beyond the hills. Somewhere in one of those valleys lived a happy society, where rainbows shone and sunlight sparkled, and people never stopped smiling.

As my husband and I were heading home from a recent trip to Munich, we were lucky enough to be travelling on the beautiful country lanes in England right at sunset. The sky glowed pink, and fluffy clouds loitered about waiting for imaginative minds to mold them into familiar shapes. I looked at the trees forming asymmetric tunnels through which our car passed; it was all so perfectly beautiful, and I thought, if this were a movie, we would be entering a magical world right now. Everything would be sparkling and the colors would be impossibly bright.

Then I thought, ‘Why am I making less of this beauty just because I am seeing with my own eyes, and not as delivered to me by Hollywood?’ I realized that the moment, and the place, were magic minus Hollywood lighting, and suddenly the world became even more incredible.

We take real moments that can move us so much in a movie – like a bird flying high over a plain – and virtually ignore it in our daily lives. Take moments like that, and turn them into magic. Read something special into them. Pretend that they are your own movie, and let yourself be enchanted.

And here is a fun travelling game to keep kids (or kids-at-heart) entertained on journeys:

As you travel, imagine what mythical or fairy tale creatures might live in the various locations. Does the cluster of trees ahead look like a scene out of Hansel and Gretel, or could you imagine fairies playing amidst the branches? Could there be a unicorn hiding behind those bushes? Is the plain out your window more suited to a Pegasus or a dragon? Try out different creatures, and enjoy the enchanting world in which we live.

How do you describe yourself?

Once, I was a dancer. Ballet was what I did, and a dancer was who I was. When I met someone new, and they wanted to know who I was, I simply said I was a ballet dancer, and then they knew. When I stopped dancing, I no longer knew what to tell people, and I felt as though I had turned my back on who I was – If I wasn’t a dancer, then who was I??

My self-worth plummeted. And then I became a mother. Taking care of my children was what I did, so I was a mother. Finally, I had an identity again!

But, did I really change? Just because I wasn’t studying dance and performing, did that mean I lost all that I had learned? Did I change the way I interacted with people after becoming a mother? Did I care any less or any more about the people around me?

Although the way I spend my time has changed over the years, and with this, my “titles”, I am still the same person. So why did I feel the need for a title?

If you sign up at sites like Facebook and Gaia, they ask you to describe yourself so that other members can get a feel for who you are. For some reason, when reaching these types of sections, I could not bring myself to put together any group of words that describes me. Any time I tried to put together a description, the words became invisible cages, confining me in a ‘personality pod’. I felt claustrophobic, and limited in what I could do, or how I could act, based on those words.

Once, the titles of ‘dancer’ and ‘mother’ gave me a sense of security in who I was. Now those titles are as a confining as a pair of shoes two sizes too small.

My husband is currently going through the same ‘title’ crisis in his life. He no longer works as a programmer, and is at a loss for what to call himself. As we are in a time of reinvention, a time when people are finding the paths they are meant to take, I am sure there are many, many others currently going through this.

So, if you are one of those people, struggling to figure out who you are in this time of transformation, try to keep this in mind:

If you can describe yourself with labels, you are not letting yourself be free. Stop fencing yourself in with verbal barriers. Let go of the words we use to enclose our beings, and just be you.

I have previously touched on manifestation, and how dangerous it can be when used carelessly. Just as we can create the lives we dream of, we can also create nightmares. Imagine then, if citizens of entire countries used their thoughts without knowledge of what they were doing. Actually, we don’t really have to imagine.

I remember a lot of grumbling around call centers being set up by companies in India between 2004 and 2006. People in many english-speaking countries felt bitter about firms using cheap labor in a land so far away. They wanted to know they were speaking to someone nearby. I was surprised at the truly angry stance many people took over this issue. There was an incredible amount of negative tension in the air, all directed towards India.

Then came the tsunami.

China has been the target of quite a number of Negativity Attacks in recent years. From numerous, well-publicized product recalls to a general sense that people in the U.S. need to be vigilant against a potential conquest of China over America, the level of negativity directed at that country seems to stay at a pretty high level. Natural disasters there are hitting regularly, too.

And, not to forget the U.S. – World sentiment toward America during the time of the Bush administration was, well, less than glowing. No one can forget Katrina. Mother Nature has gone on a rampage of destruction, and now the country is in financial ruins.

Could all of this be coincidence? Of course. But, having had plenty of experience accidentally creating negative incidents myself, it seems wise to send positive thoughts, rather than negative. Think of it as the next level of the old adage:

If you can’tsaythink something nice, don’tsaythink anything at all!

Several years ago I overheard two young women who were reading a magazine article on 10 tips for a happier life ask each other about one of the tips on the list:

‘Help someone you don’t know, who you will never see again.’

“Why would anyone want to do that?” they asked each other. They truly could not comprehend how that could bring them any kind of happiness. (This conversation is actually my main reason for starting Look To The Stars, as I knew that if Madonna had walked in at that moment and explained how helping others made her feel, they would have become instant philanthropists. But I digress…)

I recently read about a deer that wandered into a pet store in Rossford, Ohio. The deer was injured, and somehow managed to make it into a PetSmart, where it lay bleeding on the floor. The animal calmly allowed the shop’s veterinary staff to stitch up the wound and administer an antibiotic shot, then ran out of the shop and back into the wild.

Naturally, one wonders how the deer happened to choose a shop with a veterinary staff, but what sticks with me from the story is how the vet and assisting shop employees must have felt afterwards. Can you imagine their joy at helping that deer? Imagine if you could do something like this every day, even on a small scale.

The deer didn’t pay them, and didn’t even say thank you. They will never get anything back from the deer. But they helped it anyway, and now, when they walk past the spot where they saved the life of that wild animal, they will remember that joy. And they will not be the only ones. Many of the people who go into that shop will feel some of that joy, as well. I can feel that joy even from here, on the other side of the world.

This unusual act of helping the needy has brought an immeasurable amount of love and awe to people all around the world.

So, tell me now, why shouldn’t you help?

Everyone knows one of the tips for a happy life is to love your own body, but it seems the first thoughts that come to mind when told to love your body are always “Have you SEEN these wrinkles??” or “But look at these HIPS!”

No one ever really goes into the details of how you are supposed to love all those imperfections, so many people just end up pretending that they can accept themselves as they are, and therefore just pretend to love their bodies.

But really, loving your body does not in any way involve looking at yourself in a mirror, or even thinking about anything visible to the eye.

Take one moment to breathe deeply. Feel your lungs expand in your ribcage. Your diaphragm has just helped you to stay alive.

Now think about your heart. Imagine how it sounds as it is working. This amazing part of your body is sending blood through your veins right now. You are alive because that hard-working heart is sending nutrients and oxygen from your stomach and lungs all the way out to your fingertips.

Look at your fingers. Move them around. They do what you want them to do, they feel things so that you can experience the life that you have chosen to live. They are part of your body, and they exist for you. Your eyes, your nose, your ears, your tongue, are all part of you, and they are all working hard, gathering up as much information about the world as they can – just for you.

There are so many miraculous systems working in you right now. Your body is working all the time, every moment, and you are alive because of it. Doesn’t that deserve your love?

Experiencing and appreciating this magical process is what “loving your body” is all about.

When I was a child I used to lie in bed at night and meditate. This led to some really amazing, insightful moments and dreams, and, much as dancing at a young age will set a child up for grace and ease throughout her life, the meditations created centered awareness of who I am and a clarity of thought which have stayed with me.

Sadly, at this point in my life, I don’t manage to take as much time to contemplate myself and the universe as much as I did then. But, I do practice a method of breathing and meditation which is the spiritual equivalent of riding a bike, you might feel rusty after a long break, but after a moment or two, everything falls nicely into place.

Lying in bed at night, I take a deep breath in and think the words, “I am”. On the exhale, I choose between ‘love’, ‘peace’, and ‘joy’. I repeat the breathing, concentrating on becoming the chosen word until I feel that every atom of my being is love, peace or joy. The more often you do the meditation, the less time it takes to attain this state, and you will notice the feeling will staying with you throughout the day.

These days, I am usually nearly asleep after just one word, but in the past I have moved through all of them, ultimately uniting them together by thinking “I” on the in breath, and “am” on the out. At this point, I notice a light and powerful feeling, which brings mental clarity and good health along with it.

Due to “travels” I have taken in the past during which I have “seen” people in need, I recently added a section onto the end of this meditation. This allows me to drift off to sleep while spreading love, joy and peace. Once I feel the full force of love/joy/peace/I am, I imagine that feeling expanding into a giant blanket and wrapping itself around the planet. The feeling settles warmly around the Earth, and I pay particular attention to areas and people who are in pain and in need of comfort. My thoughts often go specifically to children who are alone and in need, and I picture the blanket wrapping warmly around them, with whispers of love.

My father always seemed to delight in annoying my sister and me when we were children. He would take us someplace wonderful, such as a carnival or amusement park, send us on the ride of our choice, and at the end of the ride, never failed to ask, “Are you having fun?”

With much eye-rolling, we would answer, “Yes, Dad.”

He’d laugh and retort, “Tell your faces!”

I never fully understood this then.

My husband and one of his best friends have a game they like to play, which involves the two of them walking down the street and smiling at people – No big deal, no words, just simple smiles. The first one to get a smile in return wins. They claim they have never won.

This always struck me as odd, because I felt that people always smiled at me. Recently, however, I have become aware of the many people who don’t return my near-permanent expression of greeting. At first, I felt frustrated and sad about not getting smiles, but now, I feel bad for the people who can’t even manage to tell their faces to cheer up a bit. Every time I see a dour expression, I am reminded that not everyone knows how to find joy in their lives, and am thankful for the happiness I have in mine.

This feeling was driven home by a horrible man who recently assaulted one of our writers at an LA charity event. After several days of thought, our writer decided not to burden herself with the stress pressing charges would entail, and instead will just let the unfortunate incident fade away to a distant memory.

I really have to wonder, though, how bad this man’s life must be, that he would attack a woman in full view of cameras and other recording equipment. How removed from himself and his ability to find happiness must he be for this to happen?

Reminding myself that I have found a greater happiness than he currently knows exists helps my anger to dissipate, and a tip I told my husband years ago has also come in handy for me here. I picture the man shrinking down to a tiny speck on the palm of my hand, and blow him away. Not only does this help me to feel better, but, in the past, this trick has been routinely followed up by “coincidences” such as irksome co-workers’ office departments relocating to other floors.

One of my friends, a mother of three, was joking with me about the Burnt Toast Syndrome a while back. This is the drive which leads loving mothers to eat the burnt toast themselves, as they want their families to have only the best. I suspect every dedicated parent understands this theory, and many are probably living “Burnt Toast” lives.

Yes, it is important to care for your family. You don’t want them to get sick, or feel a lack of support. And you want them to live happy, peaceful lives – without stress. So, you run around everywhere, spending every ounce of your own energy taking care of your loved ones.

I want to offer every part of my being to caring for my family, and definitely find myself suddenly hustling to prepare dinner without having had time to even eat my own lunch yet; but I always hear that little voice telling me not to forget about myself. At first, this made me feel terribly selfish – How could I think about myself when I have two little ones who need me? Then, after a few bouts of illness, and publishing an interview with Leeza Gibbons, everything became crystal clear.

If I get sick, my family suffers. My husband has to fill in for me as Mommy, and my children are left to bare-minimum daytime attention. This is just in the case of a short-term illness, from pushing myself too hard, and sacrificing too much of my own health in just a matter of weeks or months. What happens over years of such self-neglect?

I watched my own parents suffer over the decline of their parents, with the years of smoking and poor diet having had an obvious effect. What parent wants to do that to their children, no matter how old they are? So, it is with this in mind that I ask myself, ‘Did I eat well today?’ as I head off to bed before I am too tired to sleep.

Do you wonder sometimes what you are manifesting, and what you are just foreseeing? Both skills have a ‘feeling’ to them that tell you they are real. But if you see a cat running across a road, and you ‘feel’ that it is going to be hit by a car, how can you tell if you are creating it or if you are just seeing it happen, seconds before it does?

Sometimes I get the feeling that something is going to happen, such as my husband is going to cut himself while chopping veg, and am able to avert the situation by giving a warning. Often, if I don’t say anything he is holding his hand under the tap several seconds later. (I do think that I sometimes give “Mommy warnings”, though – These are the seemingly unending warnings about the dangers mommies see everywhere.)

The good thing is, if I don’t sense any danger, things tend to flow smoothly.

I didn’t realize how much I tend to rely on this sense, until recently when one of my daughter’s toys broke. She had mentioned this toy out of the blue during the afternoon, and that evening it was bumped, fell off the table and broke. Aside from being crushed that one of her cherished toys had broken, I was truly distressed that I hadn’t picked up on any hints that it was going to happen.

Still, how can one tell if the ‘feeling’ is coming from premonition, or manifestation? Or does it even matter?

Here is something to try when you do sense an oncoming disaster: Instantly ‘create’ a positive situation when you sense a negative one coming. Just mentally erase the unwanted scenario, and replace it with your desired outcome. Of course, the key here is to stay completely calm and centered. If panic sets in, it is nearly impossible manage much of anything useful!

People have asked me about my thoughts on Steve Pavlina’s How To Be A Man – in particular, his views on how a man should relate to his family in relation to his personal goals. While I am pretty sure he didn’t mean to make the ideal man sound like a Dead-Beat Dad, that is how it came across to me and, apparently, many others. Steve’s text is in italics below, with my thoughts afterwards.

1. Make real decisions.

A man understands and respects the power of choice. He lives a life of his own creation. He knows that life stagnates when he fails to decide and flourishes when he chooses a clear path.

When a man makes a decision, he opens the door he wants and closes the doors he doesn’t want. He locks onto his target like a guided missile. There’s no guarantee he’ll reach his target, and he knows this, but he doesn’t need such guarantees. He simply enjoys the sense of inevitability that comes from pushing the launch button.

A man doesn’t require the approval of others. He’s willing to follow his heart wherever it leads him. When a man is following his heart-centered path, it’s of little consequence if the entire world is against him.

I agree that making decisions in an extremely important step for individuals to live full lives. However, the way it was written on Steve’s blog could easily describe a typical absent father, who just runs out on his family because the door he wants to go through doesn’t involve them.

Life should flow, much like water does. Feel the most natural direction and go with it, unafraid of conditions ahead. Too much worry over choices will leave your life nothing more than a stagnant pond. But, just as a healthy stream carries life, a man will carry his family, nourishing them and introducing them to new adventures along the way.

2. Put your relationships second.

A man who claims his #1 commitment in life is his relationship partner (or his family) is either too dishonest or too weak to be trusted. His loyalties are misplaced. A man who values individuals above his own integrity is a wretch, not a free thinker.

A man knows he must commit to something greater than satisfying the needs of a few people. He’s not willing to be domesticated, but he is willing to accept the responsibility that comes with greater challenges. He knows that when he shirks that duty, he becomes something less than a man. When others observe that the man is unyieldingly committed to his values and ideals, he gains their trust and respect, even when he cannot gain their direct support. The surest way for a man to lose the respect of others (as well as his self-respect) is to violate his own values.

Life will test the man to see if he’s willing to put loyalty to others ahead of loyalty to his principles. The man will be offered many temptations to expose his true loyalties. A man’s greatest reward is to live with integrity, and his greatest punishment is what he inflicts upon himself for placing anything above his integrity. Whenever the man sacrifices his integrity, he loses his freedom… and himself as well. He becomes an object of pity.

Put your relationships second?? If a man is in a relationship that isn’t going to allow him to stick to what he believes, he needs to find a different partner. A strong, loving partnership will only add to his integrity, and a loving spouse who knows that she comes first in his life will only add her strength to his, rather than create weaknesses with her insecurity over their relationship.

This doesn’t just go for men, either. A healthy partnership will work together for a mutual goal in a complimentary fashion. I am truly surprised by his answer here, as it seems to me that Steve and his wife have a very supportive partnership, and that without her support, he wouldn’t have achieved what he has. The man he is describing is a very lonely one, who, at the end of his life, has a large fortune but no one to organize his funeral.